French writer Francois duc de La Rochefoucauld, who lived from 1613 to 1680, has produced many unique ideas in philosophy, and many interesting insights on human nature.

Early Life

Francois was born in Paris, France. His family was of French nobility, and during those times, the unstable French government often alternated between aiding the nobility and posing a threat to them.

Much of Francois’s life was spent as military figure and soldier. He served for the French army on-and-off from 1629 to 1646, and also was a notable fighter in the French civil war from 1648 to 1653. During his military career, Francois received major wounds several times before finally retiring around 1653.

Maxims

After retiring from the military, Francois joined an intellectual and scholarly group in Paris. During his time with them, he and the others often composed epigrams, which are concise statements and sayings that are often clever, witty, informative, and sometimes paradoxical or enigmatic.

Francois was very proficient at writing these epigrams, and by 1665, he collected many of them along with several of his essays, and put them in the first edition of Reflexions ou Sentences et Maximes Morales, which is more commonly known as Maximes, or Maxims in English.

Francois also produced various other writings throughout his life, but Maxims is by far and away the most famous and widely read of his works. He also produced several subsequent editions of Maxims.

Maxims contains mainly proverbial type statements, many of which are commentary about human nature and human interaction, and what Francois believes are the common inaccuracies of people’s perceptions of themselves and of others. Francois's theories about human nature are based on such topics as self-interest & self-love, passions / emotions, vanity, relationships, love, conversation, insincerity, and trickeration. His writings are very concise, straightforward, and candid.

Francois's writings depict people as extremely self-interested and vain, and are often categorized under the "pessimistic" view of human nature. But despite this viewpoint, Francois enjoyed other people greatly throughout his life, and was also particularly noted for being very romantic.

Passages From Maxims and other Francois duc de La Rochefoucauld Writings

Note: Maxim numbers are in parentheses.

Our virtues are usually just disguised vices.

What we call virtues are often just a collection of casual actions and selfish interests which chance or our own industry manages to arrange [in a certain way]. It is not always from valor that men are valiant, or from chastity that women are chaste. (1)

No matter how many discoveries we make in the vast regions of self-love, undiscovered regions still remain there. (3)

Passion often makes the cleverest man foolish, and sometimes even makes the most foolish man clever. (6)

Many politician-type people represent certain great and dazzling actions as if they were results of carefully designed plans, when in actuality, they are usually the results of people’s moods and passions… (7)

The passions are the most effective orators for persuading. They are a natural art that have infallible rules; and the simplest man with passion will be more persuasive than the most eloquent without it. (8)

No matter how much care we put into hiding our passions under the appearances of devotion and honor, they can always be seen to peer out through these covers. (12)

Not only are men susceptible to forget benefits and injuries, they can even grow to hate those who have done them a favor, and cease to hate those who have wronged them. The necessity of revenging an injury or of recompensing a benefit seems a slavery to which they are unwilling to submit. (14)

The clemency of princes is often just a policy to win the affections of the people. This clemency that is usually labeled virtue often arises from vanity, sometimes from idleness, often from fear, and almost always from all three combined. (15-16)

The constancy of the wise is only their art of concealing their inner annoyance. (20)

Philosophy easily triumphs over past and future evils; but present evils triumph over it. (22)

When great men let themselves be cast down by the succession of misfortune, it becomes apparent to us that they were only sustained by ambition, and not by their mind. So with that plus a great vanity, heroes are made like other men. (24)

Our evil actions do not attract as much persecution and hatred as our good qualities. (29)

We have more strength than will; and when we say things are impossible, it is often just excuses we make [for ourselves]. (30)

If we had no faults, we should not take so much pleasure in noting those [faults] of others. (31)

Pride is for the most part the same in everybody—the only difference is in the method and manner of showing it. (35)

When we criticize the faults of others, it is more because of our pride than our goodness. We reprove them not so much to correct [their faults], as we do to persuade them to believe that we ourselves are free from their faults. (37)

We promise according to our hopes; we perform according to our fears. (38)

Self-interest speaks all sorts of tongues and plays all sorts of characters—even that of self-disinterest. (39)

Self-interest blinds some people, and makes others see. (40)

Those who apply themselves too closely to trifling things often become incapable of great things. (41)

A man often believes he is leading when he is [actually being] led; while his mind seeks one goal, his heart unknowingly drags him towards another. (43)

The changes in our moods fluctuate even more than fortune [/ chance] does. (45)

The attachment or indifference to life that philosophers have shown is simply [a result] of their self-love style, which we cannot dispute about any more than [we can dispute over people’s various] tastes in food or preferences of colors. (46)

We are never as happy or as unhappy as we suppose. (49)

Nothing should lessen our satisfaction with ourselves as much as when we notice that we disapprove of something at one time that we approve of at another time. (51)

To establish our position in the world, we will do anything to appear as if we established it. (56)

Although men flatter themselves with their great actions, these are more often a result of chance than of great design. (57)

The happiness or unhappiness of men depends no less on their dispositions as it does on fortune. (61)

Sincerity is an openness of heart that is found in very few people. What we usually see is only an artful disguise people put on to win the confidence of others. (62)

Truth does not do as much good in the world as the semblance of truth does evil. (64)

A clever man should handle his interests so that each will fall in suitable order [of their value]. Our greediness often brings trouble to this order, and makes us pursue so many things at the same time, that while we attend to the trifling too eagerly, we miss the great. (66)

What grace is to the body, good sense is to the mind. (67)

There is no disguise that can hide love for long where it exists, nor is there a disguise that can fabricate it where it does not [exist]. (70)

Love, like fire, cannot continue to exist without continual motion; both cease to live so soon as they cease to hope or to fear. (75)

True love is like a ghost: everyone speaks of it, but few have seen it. (76)

In most men, the love of justice is simply the fear of suffering injustice. (78)

Silence is the safest policy for he who distrusts himself. (79)

What makes us so changeable in our friendships is that it is difficult to know the qualities of the soul, but it is easy to know those of the mind. (80)

We can love nothing except what we base on our own selves, and when we prefer our friends to ourselves, we are just following our own taste or pleasure. Nevertheless, it is only by that preference that friendship can be true and perfect. (81)

Reconciliation with our enemies is simply a desire to better our condition, a weariness of war, or the fear of some unlucky thing from occurring. (82)

We often persuade ourselves to love people who are more powerful than we are; yet [it is] self-interest alone [that] produces the friendship. We do not give our hearts away for the good we wish to do [to them], but for what [good] we expect to receive [from them]. (85)

Men would not live long in society if they were not the dupes of each other. (87)

Self-love [either] increases or diminishes our measure of the good qualities of our friends, [and does so] in proportion to the satisfaction we feel with them; and we judge their virtue by way they act towards us. (88)

In the dealings of life, we please others more by our faults than by our good qualities. (90)

Old men delight in giving good advice as a consolation for the fact that they can no longer set bad examples. (93)

Even when a man acts ungrateful, it is often his benefactor who is more deserving of being labeled as disgraceful. (96)

Ideas often flash across our minds more complete than we could make them after much labor. (101)

The head is ever the dupe of the heart. (102)

Those who know their minds do not necessarily know their hearts. (103)

Men and things each have their proper perspective. To judge some of them rightly, it is necessary to see them at near, while to judge others rightly, we must see them at a distance. (104)

To boast that one never flirts is [actually] a kind of flirtation. (107)

The head cannot play the part of the heart for long. (108)

Nothing is given as plentifully [/ liberally] as advice. (110)

We are inconsolable at being deceived by our enemies and [being] betrayed by our friends, yet we are often content in be being treated like that by our own selves. (114)

It is as easy to unknowingly deceive yourself as [it is] to deceive others. (115)

Nothing is less sincere than the act of asking and giving advice. Although the asker seems to pay attention to the opinion of his friend, in reality he is just plotting to make the friend approve his [the asker’s] own opinion and to make the friend responsible for his [the asker’s] conduct.
The person giving the advice returns the confidence placed in him with a disinterested eagerness… and he is usually guided only by his own interest or reputation. (116)

Our subtlest act [of cleverness] is to simulate that we is not aware of traps that we know are set up for us. People are never deceived as easily as when they are in the act of trying to deceive [others]. (117)

The intention of never deceiving often exposes us to deception. (118)

We become so used to disguising ourselves to others, that we end up becoming disguised to ourselves. (119)

Our acts of betrayal are more from weakness than from a fixed motive. (120)

We frequently do good in order to enable us to do evil later with impunity [exemption of punishment]. (121)

If we never flattered ourselves, we should have but insufficient pleasure. (123)

The most deceitful people blame deceit in order to use it on some great occasion to promote a certain great self-interest. (124)

The true way to be deceived is to think of yourself as more knowing than others. (127)

It is sometimes necessary to play the fool in order to avoid being deceived by cunning men. (129)

It is far easier to be wise for others than to be wise for oneself. (132)

The only good examples are those that make the absurdity of bad originals become apparent. (133)

We sometimes differ more widely from ourselves than we do from others. (135)

When not prompted by vanity, we say little. (137)

A man would rather say evil of himself than say nothing. (138)

One reason that so few people that can carry on a rational and agreeable conversation is because virtually everyone puts more attention on what they want to say than they do on listening to what others are saying and answering them [accordingly].
[Even] the most clever and polite people are content with only appearing to be attentive… [but in truth], they are wandering from what is said, and really want to return to what they want to say…
The worst way to persuade or please others is to try thus strongly to please ourselves; and some of the greatest charms we can have in conversation come from listening well and answering well. (139)

As it is the mark of great minds to say many things in a few words, so it is that of little minds to use many words to say nothing. (142)

We exaggerate the good qualities of others more often due to the estimation of our own feelings than due to the actual virtue of others; [and] when we praise them, we wish to attract their praise. (143)

We often select envenomed praise which by a reaction upon those we praise shows faults we could not have shown by any other means. (145)

Usually, we only praise to be praised. (146)

There are few people wise enough to prefer useful criticism over treacherous praise. (147)

Some blames [actually] praise, and some praises [actually] blame. (148)

The refusal of praise is actually the wish to be praised twice. (149)

Our desire and urge to be praiseworthy of others strengthens our own good qualities; and praise that is given to wit, valor, and beauty, tends to increase them. (150)

It is easier to govern others than to prevent being governed. (151)

There are some people who only disgust with their abilities; [and] there are some people who please even with their faults. (155)

It is not enough to have great qualities; we should also have the management of them. (159)

No matter how brilliant an action, it should not be considered great unless [it was] the result of a great motive. (160)

A certain harmony should be kept between actions and ideas if we want to fully develop the effects they can produce. (161)

The art of using moderate abilities to advantage wins praise, and often acquires more reputation than actual brilliancy does. (162)

A countless number of acts that appear foolish [actually] have secret motives that are very wise and weighty. (163)

It is much easier to seem fitted for posts we do not fill, than for those we do. (164)

Ability wins us the appreciation of the true persons, and luck [wins] that of “the people.” (165)

The world rewards the appearance of virtue more often than it rewards the virtue itself. (166)

There are different kinds of curiosity: one comes from self-interest, which makes us want to know everything that may be profitable to us; another from pride, which comes from a desire to know what others are ignorant of. (173)

It is much better to learn to deal with the ills we have now than to speculate on those that may befall us. (174)

Our repentance is not so much due to the sorrow for the ill we have already done, as [it is due to the] fear of the ill that may happen to us. (180)

There are both heroes of evil and heroes of good. (185)

We do not despise all who have vices, but we do despise all who do not have virtues. (186)

There are relapses in the diseases of the mind just like those of the body; what we call a cure is often merely an intermission or change of disease. (193)

The defects of the mind are like the wounds of the body: no matter how much care we take to heal them, the scars remain, and there is always the danger that they will reopen. (194)

What often prevents us from abandoning a single vice is [the fact that] we have so many. (195)

We easily forget the faults that are known only to ourselves. (196)

We exaggerate the glory of some men in order to detract from that of others… (198)

The desire to appear clever often prevents our being so. (199)

Virtue would not go far if vanity did not accompany her. (200)

Falsely honest men are those who disguise their faults to both themselves and others; truly honest men are those who know them [their faults] perfectly and acknowledge them. (202)

Folly follows us at all stages of life. If one appears wise, it is only because his folly is proportioned to his age and fortune [/ circumstances]. (207)

There are foolish people who know their folly and skillfully use it. (208)

In growing old, we become more foolish and more wise. (210)

Most people judge men only by success or by fortune. (212)

Love of glory, fear of shame, greed for fortune, the desire to make life agreeable and comfortable, and the wish to depreciate others [—all of these] are often the causes of the bravery that is spoken so highly of by men. (213)

Perfect bravery and total cowardice are two extremes that are rarely found. The space between them is vast, and embraces all other sorts of courage…
Some will freely expose themselves to danger at the beginning of an action, but diminish and become easily discouraged if it should last. Some are content to satisfy worldly honor, and beyond that will do little else. Some are not always equally masters of their timidity…
Some allow themselves to be overcome by panic, and others charge because they dare not remain at their posts. Some may be found whose courage is strengthened by small perils that prepare them to face greater dangers. Some are daring when facing swords but dread facing bullets; others dread bullets little but fear facing swords a lot.
These varied kinds of courage have this in common: darkness, by increasing fear and concealing both gallant and cowardly actions, allows men to spare themselves.
And there is another more general kind of discretion, for there is no man who does all he would have done if he were assured of getting off scot-free; thus, it is certain that the fear of death does somewhat subtract from valor. (215)

Perfect valor is to do without any witnesses what one would do before the entire world. (216)

Intrepidity is an extraordinary strength of soul that raises it above the troubles, disorders, and emotions that the sight of great perils can arouse in it. By this strength, heroes maintain a calm aspect and preserve their reason and liberty in the most surprising and terrible predicaments. (217)

Most men expose themselves in battle just enough to save their honor. Few are willing to do go any further than that to make sure that the purpose that they expose themselves for actually succeeds. (219)

What usually makes men brave and women chaste are vanity, shame, and most of all, disposition. (220)

Excessive hurriedness to fulfill an obligation is a kind of ingratitude. (226)

Lucky people are usually bad players when it comes to correcting their faults; they always believe that they are right when chance [/ fortune] backs up their vice or folly. (227)

It is great folly to wish only to be wise. (231)

Doing wrong to others is often less dangerous than doing them too much good. (238)

We often bore others when we think we cannot possibly bore them. (242)

Few things are impossible in themselves; application to make them succeed fails us more often than the means. (243)

Supreme resourcefulness consists in knowing the value of things. (244)

It is a great ability to know how to conceal one’s ability. (245)

There is at least as much eloquence in the voice, eyes, and air [individuality / personal bearing] of a speaker as there is in his choice of words. (249)

True eloquence consists in saying all that should be [said], not all that could be said. (250)

All feelings have their distinct tone of voice, gestures and looks; and [it is] this harmony, as it is good or bad, and pleasant or unpleasant, [which] makes people agreeable or disagreeable. (255)

In all aspects of life, we take on a part and an appearance to seem to be what we wish to be [seen as]—and thus the world is merely composed of actors. (256)

What we call generosity is often just the vanity of giving, which we like more than what we give away. (263)

Pity is often a reflection of our own evils in the ills of others. It is a delicate foresight of the troubles into which we may fall. We help others [so] that on like occasions we may be helped ourselves; and these services that we render are in reality benefits we confer on ourselves by anticipation. (264)

Quickness in believing evil without having sufficiently examining it is the effect of pride and laziness. We wish to find the guilty, and we do not wish to trouble ourselves in examining the crime. (267)

We label judges with having the meanest motives, and yet we desire that our reputation and fame should depend upon the judgment of men, who are all, either from their jealousy or preoccupation or want of intelligence, opposed to us—and yet [despite their bias], just for the sake of making these men decide in our favor, we peril in so many ways both our peace and our life. (268)

No man is clever enough to know all the evil that he does. (269)

There are people who the world approves of who have no virtue besides the vices they use in social life. (273)

Absence lessens small passions and increases great ones, [just] as the wind will blow out a candle but blow in a fire. (276)

Women often think they are in love when they are not in love. [In actuality], it is the excitement of a love affair, the emotional reaction to sentiment, the natural wish to experience the pleasure of being loved, and the difficulty of saying no, [all of] which [combine to] persuade them that they have passion, when all they [really] have is playful flirting. (277)

When we exaggerate our friends’ tenderness towards us, it is often less from gratitude than from a desire to exhibit our own virtue. (279)

Some lies are disguised so well to resemble the truth, that we should be poor judges of truth if not to be deceived by them. (282)

Sometimes there is equal or more ability in knowing how to use good advice than [there is] in giving it. (283)

There are wicked people who would be much less dangerous if they were totally without goodness. (284)

Fertility of mind is not what gives us with so many resources on the same matter. [In fact,] It is the lack of good discernment that makes us hesitate at each thing our imagination presents, and hinders us from at first discerning which is the best. (287)

There are some troubles and maladies that at certain times are made worse by attempted cures; and the real skill consists in knowing when it is dangerous to use them. (288)

The gratitude of most men is nothing more than a secret desire of receiving [even] greater benefits. (298)

There are follies as catching as infections. (300)

Many people despise wealth, but few know how to give it away. (301)

Only in trifling matters are we usually bold enough not to trust to appearances. (302)

The self-interest that is blamed for all our misdeeds should also often be praised for our good deeds. (305)

We find very few ungrateful people when we are able to confer favors. (306)

It is as suitable to be boastful alone as it is ridiculous to be so with others. (307)

Sometimes, occasions occur in life which demand you to be a little foolish in order to skillfully extricate yourself. (310)

If there are men whose folly has never appeared, it is only because it has never been looked for closely. (311)

The extreme delight we experience in talking about ourselves should warn us that those who listen do not share it. (314)

What commonly hinders us from showing the recesses of our heart to our friends is not the distrust we have of them, but that [distrust] we have of ourselves. (315)

If we take the liberty to dwell on the faults of our friends and benefactors, we cannot long preserve the feelings we should hold towards them. (319)

We are nearer loving those who hate us than those who love us more than we desire. (321)

Those only are despicable who fear to be despised. (322)

Ridicule dishonors more than dishonor itself [does]. (326)

We admit to small faults in order to persuade others that we don’t have great ones. (327)

Sometimes we believe that we hate flattery, when in reality, we only dislike the method [of flattery]. (329)

When our hatred is too bitter, it places us below those whom we hate. (338)

To be a great man, one should know how to exploit advantages of every phase of chance [/ fortune]. (343)

Most men, like plants, possess hidden qualities that chance discovers. (344)

Opportunity makes us known to others, but more to ourselves. (345)

We rarely ever perceive others as being sensible, except for those who agree with us. (347)

When one loves, one doubts even what one most believes. (348)

The reason we bitterly hate those who deceive us is because they think they are cleverer than we are. (350)

We are almost always bored with people that we should not be bored with. (352)

There are certain defects, which [when] well mounted, glitter like virtue itself. (354)

Little minds are too much wounded by little things; great minds see all [these little things] and are not hurt. (357)

We are more humiliated by the least infidelity towards us, than by our greatest [infidelity] towards others. (360)

The evils we do to others give us less pain than those we do to ourselves. (363)

However we distrust the sincerity of those whom we talk with, we always believe them more sincere with us than with others. (366)

The greatest mistake of penetration is not to have fallen short, but to have gone too far. (377)

Chance [/ fortune] makes our virtues or our vices visible [just] as light does to objects. (380)

Our actions are like the rhymed ends of blank verses, where each one can be put in a way to mean whatever person wants [them to mean]. (383)

We should only be astonished at still being able to be astonished. (384)

No people are more often wrong than those who will not allow themselves to be wrong. (386)

Although we don’t have the courage to say that in general, we have no faults and our enemies have no good qualities; in reality, we are not far from believing so. (397)

There is a kind of greatness that does not depend upon fortune: it is a certain manner that distinguishes us, and which seems to destine us for great things; it is the value we insensibly set upon ourselves; it is by this quality that we gain the esteem of other men, and it is this which commonly raises us more above them, than birth, rank, or even virtue itself. (399)

There may be virtue [/ skill] without position, but there is no position without some kind of virtue [/ skill]. (400)

Rank is to virtue what dress is to a pretty woman. (401)

It appears that nature has hid at the bottom of our hearts talents and abilities unknown to us. It is only the passions that have the power of bringing them to light, and sometimes give us truer and more perfect views than art [/ resourcefulness] could possibly make. (404)

We are [often] quite inexperienced as we reach the different stages of life, and we often lack experience even in spite of the number of our years. (405)

We should often be ashamed of our very best actions if the world only saw the motives that caused them. (409)

Almost all of our faults are more excusable than the means we take to hide them. (411)

Whatever disgrace we may have deserved, it is almost always in our power to reestablish our character. (412)

Idiots and lunatics see only their own wit. (414)

We often credit ourselves with vices the reverse of what we have, thus when weak we boast of our obstinacy. (424)

Nothing prevents our being natural as much as our desire to seem so. (431)

To praise good actions heartily is in some measure to take part in them. (432)

It is much easier to know men than it is to know a man. (436)

We should not judge a man’s virtue by his great abilities, but by the use he makes of them. (437)

There is a certain kind of lively gratitude that not only releases us from benefits we received, but also becomes a return payment to our friends that makes them become indebted to us. (438)

We should earnestly desire but few things if we clearly knew what we desired. (439)

We try to make a virtue of the vices that we are unwilling to correct. (442)

What makes the grief of shame and jealousy so acute is that vanity cannot aid us in enduring them. (446)

Propriety is the least of all laws, but the most obeyed. (447)

It is easier for a well-trained mind to submit to an ill-trained mind than to guide it. (448)

In great matters, we should not try to create opportunities as much as we should utilize those opportunities that offer themselves. (453)

We should gain more by letting the world see what we are than by trying to seem what we are not. (457)

Our enemies come nearer to the truth in the opinions they form of us than we do in our opinion of ourselves. (458)

It would be beneficial for us to know what all our passions make us do. (460)

There is often more pride than goodness in our grief for our enemies’ miseries; it is to show how superior we are to them that we bestow on them the sign of our compassion. (463)

Some bad qualities form great talents. (468)

However rare true love is, true friendship is rarer. (473)

The desire to be pitied or to be admired is often the main reason we confide in others. (475)

Imagination does not enable us to invent as many different contradictions as there are by nature in every heart. (478)

Only people who possess firmness can possess true gentleness. In those who appear gentle, it is usually only weakness that is readily converted into harshness. (479)

Timidity is a fault that is dangerous to blame in those we desire to cure of it. (480)

Nothing is rarer than true good nature [/ kindness]; those who are thought to have it are usually just easily dominated, or weak. (481)

There are more people without self-love than [there are] without envy. (486)

The calm or disturbance of our mind does not depend so much on what we regard as the more important things of life, as [it does] in the prudent or impracticable arrangement [we make] of the little things of daily occurrence. (488)

However wicked men may be, they do not dare condemn virtue openly. Thus, when they want to attack virtue, they pretend it is false or charge it with crimes. (489)

What makes us see that men know their faults better than we imagine, is that they are never wrong when they speak of their conduct. The same self-love that usually blinds them also lets them see, and gives them such true views as to make them suppress or disguise the smallest thing that might be criticized. (494)

Quarrels would not last long if the fault was only on one side. (496)

Some people are so self-occupied, that [even] when in love, they find a way to be totally engrossed with the passion without being so with the person they love. (500)

Air (Individuality / Personal Bearing) and Manner

There is an air that belongs to the figure and talents of each individual; we always lose it when we abandon it to assume another. We should try to find out what air is natural to us and never abandon it, but make it as perfect as we can.

This is the reason that the majority of children please--it is because they are wrapped up in the air and manner nature has given them, and are ignorant of any other. They are changed and corrupted when they quit infancy; they think they should imitate what they see, and they are not altogether able to imitate it. In this imitation, there is always something of falsity and uncertainty. They have nothing settled in their manner and opinions. Instead of being in reality what they want to appear, they seek to appear what they are not.

All men want to be different, and to be greater than they are; they seek for an air other than their own, and a mind different from what they possess; they take their style and manner at chance. They make experiments upon themselves without considering that what suits one person will not suit everyone, that there is no universal rule for taste or manners, and that there are no good copies.

Few men, nevertheless, can have unison in many matters without being a copy of each other, if each follows his natural turn of mind. But in general, a person will not wholly follow it. He loves to imitate. We often imitate the same person without perceiving it, and we neglect our own good qualities for the good qualities of others, which generally do not suit us.

I do not pretend, from what I say, that each should so wrap himself up in himself so as to not be able to follow example, or to add to his own, useful and serviceable habits which nature has not given him...

But yet, acquired qualities should always have a certain agreement and a certain union with our own natural qualities, which they imperceptibly extend and increase...

...Change of our fortune [/ circumstances] often changes our air and our manners, and augments the air of dignity, which is always false when it is too marked, and when it is not united and mixed with that which nature has given us. We should unite and blend them together, and thus render them such that they can never be separated.
...
Thousands of people with good qualities are displeasing; thousands pleasing with far less abilities. And why? Because the first wish to appear to be what they are not, the second are what they appear.

Some of the advantages or disadvantages that we have received from nature please in proportion as we know the air, the style, the manner, the sentiments that coincide with our condition and our appearance, and displease in the proportion they are removed from that point.

Society

In speaking of society, my plan is not to speak of friendship... For the present, I shall speak of that particular kind of interaction that gentlemen should have with each other. It would be idle to show how much society is essential to men--all seek for it, and all find it, yet few adopt the method of making it pleasant and lasting.

Everyone seeks to find his pleasure and his advantage at the expense of others. We always prefer ourselves to those with whom we intend to live [/ interact] with, and they almost always perceive the preference. This is what disturbs and destroys society.

We should discover a way to hide this love of selection, since it is too ingrained in us to be in our power to destroy. We should make our pleasure that of other persons, to humor, never to wound their self-love.

The mind is a major factor in such a great a work, but it is not merely sufficient for us to guide it in the different courses it should hold. The agreement we meet between minds would not keep society together for long if she was not governed and sustained by good sense, temper, and by the consideration which ought to exist between persons who have to live together...

To make society pleasant, it is essential that each should retain his freedom of action... [A man] should see himself without dependence, and at the same time, amuse himself. He should have the power of separating himself without that separation bringing any change on the society… He should share in what he believes to be the amusement of persons with whom he wishes to live [/ interact with], but he should not always be liable to the trouble of providing them.

Complying with others is essential in society, but it should have its limits; it becomes slavery when it is extreme...…

There is a kind of politeness that is necessary in the interaction among gentlemen; it makes them comprehend playful teasing, and it keeps them from using and employing certain figures of speech too rude and unrefined, which are often used thoughtlessly when we hold to our opinion with too much warmth.

The interaction of gentlemen cannot subsist without a certain kind of confidence; this should be equal on both sides. Each should have an appearance of sincerity and of discretion...

There should be some variety in wit. Those who have only one kind of wit cannot please for long unless they can take different roads...

As we should stand at a certain distance to view objects, so we should also stand at a distance to observe society; each has its proper point of view from which it should be regarded. It is quite right that it should not be looked at too closely, for there is hardly a man who in all matters allows himself to be seen as he really is.

Conversation

The reason why so few people are agreeable in conversation is because each thinks more of what he desires to say than of what others say, and we make bad listeners when we want to speak.

However, it is necessary to listen to those who talk. We should give them the time they want... [and never] interrupt them. In fact, we should enter into their mind and taste, illustrate their meaning, praise anything they say that deserves praise, and let them see we praise more from our choice than from agreement with them.

To please others, we should talk on subjects they like and that interest them... The level of seriousness and of complexity we talk with should correspond to the temper and understanding of the persons we talk with, and should readily give them the advantage of deciding without obliging them to answer when they are not anxious to talk.

After having in this way fulfilled the duties of politeness, we can speak our opinions to our listeners when we find an opportunity [to do so]... Above all things, we should avoid frequently talking of ourselves and giving ourselves as an example. Nothing is more tiresome than a man who quotes himself for everything.

We cannot give too great a study to find out the manner and the capacity of those with whom we talk... Then we should fittingly use all the modes above mentioned to show our thoughts to them, and make them, if possible, believe that we take our ideas from them.

... [We should avoid] forced expressions, and never let the words be grander than the matter.

It is not wrong to retain our opinions if they are reasonable...

It is dangerous to seek to always be the leader of the conversation, and to push a good argument too hard when we have found one. Civility often hides half of its understanding, and when it meets with an opinionated man who defends the bad side, spares him the disgrace of giving way.

We are sure to displease when we speak too long and too often of one subject. And when we try to turn the conversation upon subjects that we think more instructive than others, we should enter indifferently upon every subject that is agreeable to others, stopping where they wish...

Every kind of conversation, however witty it may be, is not equally fitted for all clever persons. We should select what is to their taste and suitable to their condition, sex, and talents; and also choose the proper time to say it.

We should observe the place, the occasion, and the temper in which we find the person who listens to us, for there is equally much art in speaking to the purpose as there is in knowing when to be silent. There is an eloquent silence that serves to approve or to condemn; there is a silence of discretion and of respect.

In a word, there is a tone, an air, a manner, which renders everything in conversation agreeable or disagreeable, refined or vulgar. But it is given to few people to keep this secret well. Those who lay down rules too often break them, and the safest we are able to give is to listen much, to speak just enough, and to say nothing that will ever give ground for regret.

Difference of Character

One can be a fool with much wit, and one need not be a fool even with very little wit. To have much mind is a doubtful expression. It may mean every class of mind that can be mentioned, it may mean none in particular. It may mean that he talks sensibly while he acts foolishly.

We may have a mind, but a narrow one. A mind may be fitted for some things, not for others. We may have a large measure of mind fitted for nothing, and one is often inconvenienced with much mind; still of this kind of mind we may say that it is sometimes pleasing in society.

Though the gifts of the mind are infinite, they can, it seems to me, be thus classified:
There are some so beautiful that everyone can see and feel their beauty.
There are some lovely, it is true, but which are wearisome.
There are some which are lovely, which the entire world admire, but without knowing why.
There are some so refined and delicate that few are capable even of remarking all their beauties.
There are others that, though imperfect, are produced with such skill, and sustained and managed with such sense and grace, that they even deserve to be admired.

Death

Note: This essay comes from Maxims, and is Maxim 504

Thus having treated of the hollowness of so many apparent virtues [throughout Maxims], it appropriate to say something on the hollowness of the unconcern [some people show] for death…

...Everything that could be written has been written to persuade us that death is no evil, and the weakest of men, as well as the bravest, have given many noble examples on which to justify such an opinion; yet I still do not think that any man of good sense has ever yet believed in it. And the pains we take to persuade others as well as ourselves that such an opinion is true amply show that the task of convincing is far from easy.

For many reasons we may be disgusted with life, but for none may we despise it. Not even those who commit suicide regard it as a light matter, and are as much alarmed and startled as the rest of the world if death meets them in a different way than the one they have selected. The difference we observe in the courage of so many brave men is from meeting death in a way different from what they imagined when it shows itself nearer at one time than at another. Thus it ultimately happens that having despised death when they were ignorant of it, they dread it when they become acquainted with it.

If we could avoid seeing it with all its surroundings, we might perhaps believe that it was not the greatest of evils. The wisest and bravest are those who take the best means to avoid reflecting on it, as every man who sees it in its real light regards it as dreadful.

The necessity of dying created all the constancy of philosophers. They thought it but right to go with a good grace when they could not avoid going, and being unable to prolong their lives indefinitely, nothing remained but to build an immortal reputation, and to save from the general wreck all that could be saved.

To put a good face upon it, let it suffice not to say all that we think to ourselves, but rely more on our nature than on our fallible reason, which might make us think we could approach death with indifference.

The glory of dying with courage, the hope of being regretted, the desire to leave behind us a good reputation, the assurance of being freed from the miseries of life and being no longer dependent on the whims of fortune, these are all resources that should not be passed over. But we must not regard them as infallible.

They should affect us in the same proportion as a single shelter affects those who in war storm a fortress. At a distance they think it may afford cover, but when near they find it only a feeble protection. It is only deceiving ourselves to imagine that death, when near, will seem the same as at a distance, or that our feelings which are merely weaknesses, are naturally so strong that they will not suffer in an attack of the rudest of trials. It is equally as absurd to try the effect of self-esteem and to think it will enable us to count as naught what will of necessity destroy it.

And the mind [/ reasoning] that we trust to find so many resources will be far too weak in the struggle to persuade us in the way we wish. For it is this mind that betrays us so frequently, and which, instead of filling us with contempt of death, serves but to show us all that is frightful and fearful. The most it can do for us is to persuade us to avert our gaze and fix it on other objects. Cato and Brutus each selected noble ones. A lackey sometime ago contented himself by dancing on the scaffold when he was about to be broken on the wheel.

So however diverse the motives, they but realize the same result. For the rest it is a fact that whatever difference there may be between the noble and the peasant, we have constantly seen both the one and the other meet death with the same composure. Still there is always this difference, that the contempt the noble shows for death is but the love of fame which hides death from his sight; in the peasant it is but the result of his limited vision that hides from him the extent of the evil, and leaves him free to reflect on other things.